I realize i write in this thing all the time and am online a lot, but there isn´t anything else for me to do in the office. i need to get up today and see if there´s any projects today, but for now i wanted to type about how i´m really missing home lately. It was awesome to have a delegation of all these ppl from Boston here for the weekend, but being around them and then having them leave to go home was SO hard. I´ve kind of hit a road block where i really just want to go home and see my family for a weekend or something. it´s difficult being in an environment where no one understands what i want to say or what i want. i have to just go along with stuff and don´t really get a say or any freedom. Bethany and i talked a little bit about life in English on Saturday night when i stayed at her house and honestly i talked for a half hour straight about my friends and college and stuff. It was a huge relief to finally speak more than a phrase or a sentence and to say EXACTLY what i wanted clearly. The whole experience left me feeling really alone. I kind of want to spend a day or two in san salvador, but we will be back there in like 10 days, so maybe it´s better if i try to stick it out. More than anything i want to talk to my parents and have a real hug. Everytime i think of them or read something from them i tear up. like right now.. ahh.. i need to stop because my eyes are gonna always be red while im at work. This is especially hard because they just back from vacation at my favorite place and i want to be there to relax.. its like my getaway. I was selfishly happy to hear they had problems with ticks because that wouldve driven me crazy and it gives me a reason to be happy im here. i hope we have a project today at work so i can try to get my mind off home for awhile. Tomorrow when Sally comes to visit, im gonna see what she thinks. i´m also for sure gonna run tomorrow again. I really just want some freedom to go for a walk, so if we can get Bethany to the office sometime soon, we already have plans to walk to El Transito or the market to get food or something new and exciting. The projects here are great, im just at a brick wall right now with my experience and i know its worth it in the long run, but right now i really want a break. I really want to go home, go to the coffee shop with a friend, come home and chill in AC, get a hug from my mom, cut up a fresh melon. Ok, i should stop complaining... We did go to the beach yeserday and it was gorgeous. There were some problems with communication and my family, but still its a little taste of paradise. k gotta go re-jump back into this world i call El Salvador... miss you all and please keep in touch because its all i got!
xoxoxoxo
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(((((((((Judith))))))))))))xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoo!!
Love, Mom :D
(I sent you an email)
Judith,
From Dad. Hang in there. It's hot here too, and buggy.
Love,
Your Father
Dear Judith,
No te dudo, las primeras semanas y los días que pasan--siempre--son dificiles. Tengo confianza en ti. :)
Hey there, I have been reading your journal and I just wanted to say that I understand how you are feeling, and that feelings of loneliness, excitement, confusion, etc. etc. are all feelings I had, too. Some days you feel part of your workplace and your family, and others you realize that you miss home, or that your Spanish seems to have hit a slump. Don't you worry, though. God is watching over you, and take each day, and just be.
Keep writing, too. I used to sit on a rock near my home in El Salvador, when I just needed 'me time.' I would also take part in conversations even when I couldn't speak very well...at all. Laughing at myself became a favorite past-time. Hah. I am actually in Brazil right now, working with a NGO and also living with a host family. Like you, I am having trouble communicating...though not in Spanish, but in Portuguese. Despite this, though, and despite feeling homesick at times, I take each day and appreciate being able to travel, to do research, and to then travel to El Salvador again to visit you!!
I sent this to Michael, too, but here is my blog (http://kaytobetty.wordpress.com) and I am working on making a 'global' one for ND students studying, interested, or traveling to El Salvador.
God Bless, and take care!
Te mando MUCHOS abrazos,
K
That is so strange I just visited El Salvador a week ago and kind of feel strange like wanting to go back not come to the US. I have not been there in over 25 years and could not understand what could have come over me. I told my sister on the way to the air port about how much I really wanted to stay and not go back to the US and she smiled and said that is temporary. Now it has been about 3 days and still feel the same, but I cannot mention that to my wife because she is very likely to get other ideas, and it is not like that. I just felt like I was home. Something happened to me on that trip and I can help to realize why I feel that way. All I think of is El Salvador. I feel sad and even though my wife and kids are around I feel lonely. Maybe is home sickness or maybe I felt like I was around people that made me feel like I was home.
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